Waiting

     Tonight I am reminded of one of my favorite descriptive phrases about midwifery. "A good midwife knows when to sit on her hands and when to use them." I seem to sit on my hands a lot. Waiting for labor to begin naturally, waiting for a mama to dilate in her own time, allowing a woman to rest as long as she needs to, believing that she really can do it, having faith that the baby will fit through, loving a sleepless night, hoping that the contractions will get stronger, giving a mama permission to cry, supporting her as she screams, bellows and crawls  to bring the baby down. I know when to use my hands as well, when to break the water, when to stretch the perineum, when to ventilate the baby and when to give a pep talk that just may be the difference between a transport and a home birth. I love my work. I feel so blessed to be invited to a birth. I think a lot about who will attend me when I give birth. It is not an easy decision, I do not take it lightly, and I know my clients are bestowing a great honor upon me when they ask me to be their midwife. I do not take it lightly. 

     As a doula in the hospital I recently had 2 clients who had cesareans, one due to a posterior baby and one due to "deep transverse arrest". This is basically when the baby's head is turned looking hard right or left, whereas the head is ideally looking back toward mama's tail bone. I am so proud of both mother's. They both worked so hard and persevered. They were both incredibly disappointed at the loss of a vaginal birth, but the healing will be easier knowing they can look into their baby's eyes with joy and love. A current client just recently was telling me about her vaginal birth with a posterior baby and she said she had to "fight for my birth". The entire staff wanted to give her a section but she persevered, worked harder and gave birth vaginally. It was traumatic. There was an implication in her story that if women would just work harder, push harder, demand louder and more fervently then they could give birth vaginally, when everyone else doubts them. Is this true? Should we have to "fight for our birth"? Or should we just birth at home...where we don't have to fight? Or is it just sometimes the case that it is beyond the power of the woman, and left to some natural forces that we can't explain or fully understand. For now, I will just continue to wait.